Gubernatorial Race-Jersey Edition

Tomorrow, the state of New Jersey will be voting for a new Guber.

The race is tight and the ads have been constant and harsh.  It’s so important that people like Mitt Romney and Rudy Giuliani have been leaving messages on our machine.

The encumbrance is Guber Corzine, who took over when the Gay Guber stepped down in the midst of scandal to pursue a career as an Oprah guest.  Guber Corzine’s ads all have President Obama in them.  Besides giving a speech with Obama in the background, I am uncertain what else he has accomplished in the last couple of years.  Some consider this election a one-year referendum on the Prez, who won the state.

The main competitor is a man named Christie, but if he wins, he will not be a Gay Guber.  His first name is Chris.  I don’t know why we have to have people in this world with names like John Johnson, Jack Jackson, Nick Nicklaus and Chris Christie.

Who are these parents?!  Did they not know that you can buy a book with hundreds of options for baby names?

I feel sorry for him because he is overweight. Not solely for that, but I wonder not if, but how much it affects public perception.  The ads bashing Christie have been vicious, even vaguely referring to his weight.

When was the last overweight presidential candidate??  In the TV age of glam and glitz, we may never have another William Howard Taft.  Maybe someday, someone will once again break the weight barrier.  I just worry about those who will be beneath him/her when it breaks.

If I were to vote for Guber based solely on ads without any logic, thought, or reason, I might vote for the cucumber. He really made the man named Christie look bad, not physically, but politically.

There is also a third-party independent vying to be our Guber.  I can’t remember his name, but I know he really wants to be a Guber but the ads against him say he will raise taxes.

As it is with most elections, we will be choosing the lesser of 3 Weevils.

But one thing is certain, by tomorrow evening, no matter who wins…we will have a Guber!!

A Guber shall lead us!

on the Anniversary of Martin Luther’s protest

you can read my homage again, if you like…

Martin Luther, Jr.:  A Rebel with a Cause

Of Books and Reading (HP Lovecraft)

I finally, out of curiosity, looked into a writer named H.P. Lovecraft.  He is not funny like P.G. Wodehouse (who I love and should really read more).  He is not a man of faith like C. S. Lewis.  He was an American fiction writer in the lines of Edgar Allen Poe from the early 1900s.

The reason I was curious is that his name came up more than once in reading online stuff about Lost mythology.  The Lost TV writers seemed to be influenced from everything from ancient Egyptian religion to Star Wars and Lovecraft kept popping up.

He wrote a lot of short stories dealing with horror, macabre, weird stuff and they are fun. With Halloween coming up, it’s perfect timing to read some scary stories.

Many of the short stories are first-person narratives, from the point of view of one who survived a horror, or knew the people involved.  The narrator is often a skeptic who through following up on other people’s stories, experiences something bizarre.

I can’t even say much without spoiling them.  Many have a surprise twist at the end like Pickman’s Model.  One of the better ones so far is The Colour Out of Space, which is about a meteor that leads to lots of trouble for one family.  The Rats in the Wall is about a man who finds and buys a house that belonged to his ancestors but holds a horrible secret.  It has been the creepiest I have read so far.

How come I never heard of him in school when I read so much more fiction and loved Poe?

Any Lovecraft fans out there?

——————

Here are some non-fiction and non-religious books I would like to read in the next year (also my Christmas List in case Santa is reading):

The Book of Basketball: The NBA according to the Sports Guy by Bill Simmons

Eating the Dinosaur by Chuck Klosterman

SuperFreakonomics: Global Cooling, Patriotic Prostitutes, and Why Suicide Bombers Should Buy Life Insurance bySteven Levitt and Stephen Dunbar

Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell

American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot by Craig Ferguson

The Church of Christ Canon

(Some thoughts on Satire as a teaching method:especially the comments)

The churches of Christ need a Bible that accurately reflects our rich tradition, doctrine, and practice.

Consider these alterations to reflect who we really are:

Let’s start by removing large portions of the Old Testament, since it was nailed to the Cross anyway.

Genesis can stay, and the first half of Exodus. Leviticus is out except for Chapter 10 (Nadab and Abihu).  Numbers and Deuteronomy are gone.  Let’s add Leviticus 10 to Exodus and call that one book.

The Historical books can stay because they are easy to study and David rocks, except Kings and Chronicles are redundant.  So, we will combine them to 1 and 2 Kingicles.

Ruth and Esther are out because they emphasize women too much.  And Esther doesn’t even mention God.

Psalms and Proverbs can stay, but Ecclesiastes (too weird) and Song of Solomon (may be about sex) are definitely out.

Isaiah is in and Jeremiah can stay solely because of 6:16 (seek the old paths). No one reads Lamentations, so it’s out.

Only chapter 37 from Ezekiel can remain because it makes a great “restoration” sermon.”  The rest of the book might give fuel to pre-millennial doctrines.  It will be included in Jeremiah.

The minor prophets can be condensed down to one book that contains all the Messianic prophecies and all verses that emphasize the Meanness of God.

On to the New Testament, which is, of course, our sole basis for faith and practice.

Since John says waaay too much about the Holy Spirit and four is kinda overkill anyway, let’s just keep the first two:  Matthew and Mark.

Acts is so important, that it should actually be repeated.  So, three copies in every Bible.

Romans is also good, except for chapters 9-11, which should be removed.

The rest of Paul’s writings are good and can remain, except for Philemon, which doesn’t say much about the church or baptism.

Hebrews through 1 Peter are in. 1 John can stay, but what’s the point of 2 and 3 John?

Jude stays because it teaches us to contend for the Faith! (ty, NG)

Revelation is definitely too weird and used by the denominations to teach false millennial doctrines so it must be removed.

At this point, we are down to 37 book.  We definitely want to always have 66 books in our Bible, so here is a solution.

At the end of the OT, we will add the Gospel Advocate Commentary Series, except for ones written by David Lipscomb who was a pacifist and against slavery, which sounds like a socialist to me.

Also, add J.W. McGarvey’s Commentary on Acts (but only the original one because it’s better than the new one) and Moses Lard’s Commentary on Romans.

That gives us 13 more books once we exclude Lipscomb. Up to 48.

Since we took out Ezekiel and Revelation for millennial purposes, we can add Foy E. Wallaces’ “God’s Prophetic Word” to refute any false teachings that might remain.

Two more books that must be a part of the Church of Christ Canon are Guy N. Woods “Questions and Answers, vol. 1 and 2.”

We definitely need something from our founder Alexander Campbell, so “Christianity Restored” and “The Christian System” are must-haves.

Another addition, from more recent leaders, “The Bible makes Christians Only and the Only Christians by Thomas B. Warren.

C.R. Nichols 6-volume “Sound Doctrine” also deserves a spot here.

Now we are are at 60.  Almost there.

Shall we include some tracts in our Canon, to help new believers understand certain doctrines that they may not understand with the Bible alone?  I think so!

Tracts:

“The Sin of Social Drinking“

“Dancing:  The Slippery Slope to Prostitution” (ty, TM)

“Decently and In Order:  Everything God Meant to Say about our Worship Assembly“

‘Hear, Believe, Repent, Confess, Be Baptized:  Everything you need to Know about Salvation in 5 sentences”

An egregious oversight: N.B. Hardeman’s Tabernacle Sermons must be included.  We shall remove 2 Corinthians and the Thessalonian letters.

That’s enough tracts.  Now finally, the final two additions for our 66-volume Church of Christ Bible, is….

“Behold the Pattern” by Goebel Music

“Why I am a Member of the Church of Christ” by Leroy Brownlow.

Here is your new Table of Contents:

Table of Contents

The Old Testament

Genesis

Exodus (Lev 10)

Joshua

Judges

1 Samuel

2 Samuel

1 Kingicles

2 Kingicles

Ezra

Nehemiah

Psalms

Proverbs

Isaiah

Jeremiah (Ezekiel 37)

Daniel

Minor Prophets:  Greatest Hits

GA: Matthew

GA: Mark

GA: Luke

GA: John

GA: Acts

GA: Hebrews

GA: James

GA: Peter-Jude

GA: Revelation

McGarvey on Acts

Moses Lard on Romans

“God’s Prophetic Word” by Foy E. Wallace

“Q&A, vol 1” by Guy N. Woods

“Q&A, vol 2” by Guy N. Woods

“Christian System” By Campbell

“Christianity Restored” by Campbell

“The Bible Makes Christians only and the Only Christians” by Thomas B. Warren

Sound Doctrine 1 by Nichols

Sound Doctrine 2 by Nichols

Sound Doctrine 3 by Nichols

Sound Doctrine 4 by Nichols

Sound Doctrine 5 by Nichols

Sound Doctrine 6 by Nichols

The New Testament

Acts

Matthew

Mark

Tract:  Dancing:  The Slippery Slope to Prostitution

Tract: Sin of Social Drinking

Acts

Romans

1 Corinthians

Tabernacle Sermons vol 1

Galatians

Ephesians

Philippians

Colossians

Tabernacle Sermons vol 2

Tabernacle Sermons vol 3

1 Timothy

2 Timothy

Hebrews

James

1 Peter

1 John

Jude

Tract:  Decently and in Order

Tract: H, B, R, C, Baptism

“Behold the Pattern” by Goebel Music

“Why I am a Member of the Church of Christ” by Leroy Brownlow

Acts

A church of Christ Lectionary

Note:  For all you hard-working preachers out there who are busy “marking” false teachers and having trouble coming up with a sermon each week, I would like to make you aware of this Preaching Schedule.  It is good for any year; in fact, why not just repeat it each year?

January

Sunday #1—What must I do to be saved?

Sunday #2—How Alexander Campbell restored the New Testament Church

Sunday #3—Thoughts on Baptism from Ezekiel

Sunday #4—Max Lucado:  Satan Incarnate or just a False Prophet?

Sunday #5—What is the Church of Christ?

February

Sunday #6—The 5 Steps to Salvation

Sunday #7—Why anyone who believes in the Holy Spirit must be Pentecostal

Sunday #8—Everything I know about the Old Testament

Sunday #9—Baptism in Philemon

March

Sunday #10—Today is the Day of Salvation

Sunday #11—I am a member of the Church of Christ, What about You?

Sunday #12—St Patrick’s Day Sermon:  The sin of social drinking

Sunday #13—The Joys of Marking False Brethren

April

Sunday #14—How were people saved in Bible Times?

Sunday #15—Anything but the Resurrection, part 1

Sunday #16—Anything but the Resurrection, part 2

Sunday #17—The Pagan Origins of Easter

Sunday #18—18 Reasons Rubel Shelly needs to repent

May

Sunday #19—What Must I do to be saved?

Sunday #20—Mothers Day Sermon:  How my Mom Became a NT Christian

Sunday #21—Will We Wear Ties in Heaven?

Sunday #22—How do I become a member of the Church of Christ?

June

Sunday #23–Hear, Believe, Repent, Confess, and be Baptized

Sunday #24—The Sins of ACU

Sunday #25—Father’s Day Sermon:  Why Dad is a member of the Church of Christ

Sunday #26—How Repentance fits in the Plan of Salvation

July

Sunday #27—What must I do to be saved?

Sunday #28—Growth through Division

Sunday #29—Which Bible Translation? (Alternate title:  “NIV: Satan’s Masterpiece”)

Sunday #30—Baptism in Obadiah

Sunday #31—5 Reasons Jeff Walling is Wrong about Everything

August

Sunday #32—Salvation in 5 easy steps

Sunday #33—The Plan of Salvation in Deuteronomy

Sunday #34—One Church, One Name, “Church of Christ”

Sunday #35—The Birth of Jesus (and why it’s wrong to preach on it in December)

September

Sunday #36—The New Testament plan for Salvation

Sunday #37—False Doctrine, part 1

Sunday #38—False Doctrine, part 2

Sunday #39—False Doctrine, part 3

October

Sunday #40—False Doctrine, part 4

Sunday #41—Healthy Doctrine:  What must I do to be saved?

Sunday #42—Healthy Doctrine: We Are Going to Heaven and They Are Not

Sunday #43—Why it is wrong to celebrate Halloween

November

Sunday #44–What the Bible says about salvation

Sunday #45–I am thankful that the instrument-users are going to Hell

Sunday #46–I am thankful for Foy E. Wallace, Jr.

Sunday #47–I am thankful for Barton W. Stone

December

Sunday #48—What must I do to be saved?

Sunday #49—Anything but the birth of Christ, part 1

Sunday #50—Anything but the birth of Christ, part 2

Sunday #51—The Evils of celebrating Christmas

Sunday #52—Unforgivable Sin: Singing Nativity Hymns within 3 months of December 25^th

Craig Ferguson

When I can’t sleep, I always make sure I catch Ferguson’s monologue.  He is funnier than Conan, Kimmel, Jay, and Letterman combined.  A different style.  The following contains some “mature” content and some “immature” content, so if you are easily offended, don’t watch it.  It gets better after a slow start.