HOW TO DRIVE IN JERSEY

First a couple of random thoughts before sharing the list that I wish I knew who to give credit to.

  • Why was I so tired yesterday even with the extra hour of sleep?
  • Why did some people still come in late to worship after having an extra hour?
  • Why must our health insurance increase $75 every year. It is already expensive.

Driving in Jersey:

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is Nork – rhymes with Fork, not New-ark.

2. The morning rush hour is from 5 AM to NOON. The evening rush hour is from NOON to 7 PM. Friday’s rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on the turnpike is 85 mph. On the parkway it’s 105 or 110. Anything less is considered ‘Sissy.’ (Just ask the Governor of NJ)

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Jersey has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second; However, in Monmouth county, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. EVER! Seriously. It’s another offense that can get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of Jersey. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day’s driving a bit more exciting.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats, barrels, cones, celebs, rubber-neckers, shredded tires, cell-phoners, deer and other road kill, and the Homeless feeding on any of these items.

9. MapQuest does NOT work here — none of the roads are where they say they are or go where they say they do and all the Turnpike EZ Pass lanes are moved each night once again to make your ride more exciting.

10. If someone actually has their Turn Signal ON, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been ‘accidentally activated.’

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be ‘flipped off’ accordingly. If you return the flip, you’ll be shot.

12. Do not try to estimate travel time — just leave Monday afternoon for Tuesday appointments, by noon Thursday for Friday appointments, and right after church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.

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16 thoughts on “HOW TO DRIVE IN JERSEY

  1. Jeanne M.

    Same as Bob. All too true, except I never heard Newark spoken of that way. I worked there back in the 50’s way before it became too dangerous to even drive through. I walked from downtown to the Lackawanna Railroad Station after having to work very late at night, and never felt any danger then. Wouldn’t get out of the car now. So sad, so much change.

  2. Very funny. The only thing I have a qualm with is the turn signal thing. I don’t think that’s true. In fact, we noticed that a lot more after moving to Arkansas — NO ONE there uses a signal & it bugged us, so we must have learned to use a signal in Jersey. And it isn’t as bad in Virginia, but close.

    It gets harder to adapt back to the driving the longer we’ve been away.

  3. Wow, that’s kind of scary for this west Texas boy. I love the thought of driving fast, but ever day in Childress is a “Sunday driving” day. The only time we’re in a hurry is after church when we’re trying to beat the baptists to the food places.

    I need to come and visit you Brian so I can get aquainted with “real life.”

  4. At a four way stop in Alabama everyone tries to be polite till finally somebody waves the hardest for the other car to go….might be a little culture shock!

  5. Brian

    jel,
    we will be driving from paducah to searcy (40 miles north of LR), and we would usually cross at Cairo, IL, but my wife hates that bridge so we will prob go through NW TN.

    I was hoping to eat at Lambert’s…

    we will wave anyway, though

  6. have a fun and safe time! I have never ate there before ,

    we don’t out much, when we do we eat at the Great Wall! good stuff πŸ˜‰

  7. Brian,
    Came across your blog. Very good. Some thoughts from the UK.
    I recently moved from a big city (Glasgow, Scotland) where a ‘Sissy’ was defined as a guy who used a glass with a handle.
    I now live in rural England. Driving here makes that in Nork look like a fairground. I have to contend with deer, foxes, horses, birds of all types, tractors, farmers and farmers’ dogs, (sometimes doing the driving) as well as roads with no road markings, high hedges and all on the wrong side of the road.

    Blessings

    James

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