How to Kill the Church

(This was published in our church bulletin in 1978. I was only 20 months old so I can’t take credit. I wish I knew where it originated from. Using the negative like this is so powerful. Are you killing your church?)

-Don’t come.
-If you come, come late.
-When you come to church, do so with a grumble.
-At every service ask yourself, “What do I get out of this?’
-Never accept an assigned task. It’s better to stay outside and criticize.
-Visit other churches about half the time to show your own congregation that you aren’t tied down.
-Let the preacher earn his money; let him do all the work.
-Sit pretty well back and never sing. If you have to sing, sing out of tune and behind everyone else.
-Never contribute in advance, especially to the church. Wait till you get your money’s worth, and then wait a little longer.
-It is good to tell your preacher’s failings to any stranger that may happen in; the stranger might be a long time in finding them out.
-If there happen to be a few zealous workers in the church, make a protest against the church being run by a clique.
-If the church is harmonious, call it apathy or indifference.


9 thoughts on “How to Kill the Church

  1. Don

    20 months old in 1978!!!
    Oh…… I’m getting old. I did not need that today,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

    Yeah, good post. blah,blah.blah…. 🙂

  2. Brian

    everyone pray for don. my blog has him depressed.

    I had five guys for the third time in 8 days yesterday.

  3. Jeanne M.

    Brian, I would like to know what type of hamburger you eat at Five Guys that you like so much. We didn’t have a very good experience here in Charlotte area and probably will not go back. Also even though the quantity of fries was outstanding, they were overdone, so didn’t taste really good. Maybe it was just an off day for the cook!

  4. Brian

    i actually like the fries better than the burgers. hopefully, it was just an off day.

    i have only been 4-5 times, but I usually get a single patty cheeseburger, with tomato, lettuce, and ketchup.

    it may also just be a difference in taste, no problem with that.

  5. I hear those.

    I would only say that as a minister I like to share my own failings so they don’t have to take a long time to find out.

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