Urban Ministry Update

I heard some wonderful stories about what God is doing in the Greater (or not so great) Detroit, MI, area while I was at Tulsa.  Unfortunately, they were not all good news.  Satan is still throwing weeds into the wheat fields.  Here is one sad story as I heard it.

A church was planted among some gang members a couple of years ago and began to flourish.  Bloods, Crips, mexican, and asian gangs were united in Christ and worshipping God together until one day.

One day a new missionary came to town from the Alabama Bible College.  He began teaching on the fundamentals.  Also, a team from S.O.L.E. (School of Legalistic Evangelists) arrived to “help” with the work.  You might know them from their motto, “We are the S.O.L.E. people who are right and going to heaven.”  (not to be confused with S.O.U.L.–Seeking Out Unrepentant Liberals.  They used to work together until they had a break-up over differing interpretations of Revelation.) Then, another group of well-intentioned brethren moved into the area but decided to start another congregation in the hood.

It all went downhill from there.  I am sorry to say that after a 14 month period of debates, knife-fights, gospel meetings, scathing bulletin articles, and excommunications… there are now 13 separate church groups meeting in various places.  Sure, they are trying to put a positive spin on things.  Saying stuff like, “God planted 13 churches where they was once only one.”  And hoping that the different groups will reach more diverse segments of the population.

So, the streets of Detroit are violent once again. But instead of being divided by race and gang, it is Bible opinions that separate them.

The drive-bys are perpetrated by the KJV-only group against the hand-clapping group.

The mutual edification group have an advantage, because when one speaker is taken out, someone steps up to replace him.

The supporters of one Christian camp have been throwing Malatov Cocktails into the building of the congregation that supports the other camp.

The congregation that was established solely in opposition to Rick Atchley rumbled with the church that thinks he might go to heaven even if they don’t think what he is doing is right.  The instrumental group was there to finish off the survivors from both gangs with their pegwinders and drumsticks.

Don’t try to sell a KJV Bible on certain corners or you might get a beat-down.

They have tattooed themselves according to Mac Lynn’s book, “The Churches of Christ in the United States.” Except for those who didn’t have a code.  They have made up their own and branded them on top of their old gang tatts.

The Two Songs and a Prayer Church of Christ has been growing but were upset that the Two Prayers and a Song Church of Christ started renting the building across the street.  All of the groups are anxiously awaiting the repercussions.  It will be ugly and probably bloody.

The Church of Christ (Non-literal reading of Genesis chapter 1) group and the Church of Christ (Recovery Support Groups) decided to team up so that they could hopefully convert or kill the Church of Christ (Literal Readers of Gen1/Death to Social Gospel Christians).  Well…also neither group could afford rent on its own.

The Grace Church of Christ stayed out of the mess as long as they could but finally decided to jump in, literally.  It was a rumble on 8 Mile.  They figured the merciful thing to do was use guns and finish the others off instead of just cutting them with razor blades and causing a slow death.

How sad!  When will the madness end?!  Who will take them the Gospel again?


13 thoughts on “Urban Ministry Update

  1. *SIGH*
    I’ve never really understood the whole joking-about-other-types-of-churches thing. I guess I’ve never been around a group of people that did that much. Maybe it’s more of a Bible belt thing. Not meaning to criticize you. I did think this was mostly funny, in a sad kinda way. Which I guess is what satire is.

  2. Brian

    it is terribly sad that churches/christians treat each other terribly over things that do no matter. of course some things do matter, but that doesn’t give us license to treat each other terribly.

    that is all I was saying. you do get it.

  3. Brian,

    I thought it was hilarious! I think sometimes a humorous parable is actually the best way to expose the folly of something and give us a wake up call. I think some of Jesus’ teachigns could even fall into that category.

  4. Don

    Ahhhh, to be subjected once again to a preacher who “went to the Workshop”….. dazes I don’t miss.

  5. Brian

    hey don,
    I actually didn’t notice much bride-bashing, this silliness came from a silly conversation with another blogger, just joking around.
    plus, I tried to pick on the liberals some, too, maybe it wasn’t balanced, though

  6. I thought this was very good. very clever. it’s not real and whatever aspect you take it from is probably what you need to work on.

  7. Brian

    thanks, tuck, i had not thought of that, but I guess it could reach different kinds of people, at least ones who get satire

  8. Brian

    thanks, jamie
    I am just glad you didn’t put the word interesting in quotation marks, a la “interesting”

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