Gubernatorial Race-Jersey Edition

Tomorrow, the state of New Jersey will be voting for a new Guber.

The race is tight and the ads have been constant and harsh.  It’s so important that people like Mitt Romney and Rudy Giuliani have been leaving messages on our machine.

The encumbrance is Guber Corzine, who took over when the Gay Guber stepped down in the midst of scandal to pursue a career as an Oprah guest.  Guber Corzine’s ads all have President Obama in them.  Besides giving a speech with Obama in the background, I am uncertain what else he has accomplished in the last couple of years.  Some consider this election a one-year referendum on the Prez, who won the state.

The main competitor is a man named Christie, but if he wins, he will not be a Gay Guber.  His first name is Chris.  I don’t know why we have to have people in this world with names like John Johnson, Jack Jackson, Nick Nicklaus and Chris Christie.

Who are these parents?!  Did they not know that you can buy a book with hundreds of options for baby names?

I feel sorry for him because he is overweight. Not solely for that, but I wonder not if, but how much it affects public perception.  The ads bashing Christie have been vicious, even vaguely referring to his weight.

When was the last overweight presidential candidate??  In the TV age of glam and glitz, we may never have another William Howard Taft.  Maybe someday, someone will once again break the weight barrier.  I just worry about those who will be beneath him/her when it breaks.

If I were to vote for Guber based solely on ads without any logic, thought, or reason, I might vote for the cucumber. He really made the man named Christie look bad, not physically, but politically.

There is also a third-party independent vying to be our Guber.  I can’t remember his name, but I know he really wants to be a Guber but the ads against him say he will raise taxes.

As it is with most elections, we will be choosing the lesser of 3 Weevils.

But one thing is certain, by tomorrow evening, no matter who wins…we will have a Guber!!

A Guber shall lead us!

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