Some National Prayer Day Cynicism and Satire

Okay ChristAmericans, here’s the plan:

  1. We must get the National Day of Prayer™ proclaimed a Federal Holyday.  Sure it was instituted by congress, but we still have to go to work and the mail runs.  That’s not a real holiday.  So, this means protests, marches, and votes.  Our current regime isn’t gonna do it unless it’s a Muslim day of Prayer, so we got work to do.
    1. I also recommend that we all stay home from work and school on this day in protest.
  2. We need some conservative Christian dish to become the official meal for National Day of Prayer™.  Like Thanksgiving has Turkey and Dressing, etc.  I was thinking Deviled Eggs or some kind of casserole.
    1. Please add your suggestions in the comment section.
  3. We need someone to be in of charge of merchandising.  It has to be someone who will not sleep until the aisles of Wal-Mart are full of NDoP™ T-shirts, books, bracelets, paper plates, pencils, staplers, bathroom wall art, salt/pepper shakers, jock itch cream, paper clip holders, ballcaps, snuggies, kleenex boxes, mousepads, nasal spray, bumper stickers, The Official National Day of Prayer™ Study Bible™, etc. as soon as the Easter junk is removed.
  4. We must recognize Mother’s Day and Cinco de Mayo as our greatest competition and do all that we can to diminish these days so that the National Day of Prayer™ can receive its rightful place.  We can’t have foreigners and women taking attention away from prayer and the USA.
  5. Pray that God will strike those judges and atheists fighting the constitutionality of NDoP™ with at least hemorrhoids, if not death. We don’t need people like that in Heaven, anyway.
  6. Lastly, let’s all pray really hard for the National Day of Prayer™ so that it can be a great one.
  7. One More IMPORTANT Thing: Don’t forget to donate.  Prayer is not enough.  We must give, as well.  How can we pray without a National Task Force organizing everything for us?

(Disclaimer:  The Blogprophet (aka Brian) is not against prayer or a National Day of Prayer™.  He is just taking a moment to satirize some perceived follies of American Christians concerning how we often do things and think about our place in society.  Thank you for your patience and understanding.)

(Disclaimer, part 2:  I do hope you pray Thursday.  I hope you pray for our country and our leaders.  If you pray more that day than usual, that’s even better)

(Disclaimer, part 3: If you have reached this far and still have a problem, please get a sense of humor.)

(Disclaimer, part 4:  If you don’t believe in humor, please go read Dan Edelen’s excellent article, Fuzzy Church HERE or Tim Archer’s fine post HERE)


22 thoughts on “Some National Prayer Day Cynicism and Satire

  1. nick gill

    What??? Not MOTHER’S DAY!!!!!

    That’s the other high holy day, where we remind fathers that their real relevance ended at conception!

  2. 1. I’m waiting for the national day of fasting.
    2. See above.
    3. I like the slogan “Fast Slowly.” Think about it.
    4. I’m thinking you just combine the other two. Cinco Madres de Mayo. You pick out 5 Mexican women, and everyone gives them gifts.
    5. Better yet, have God strike down their immigration status. While they’re visiting Arizona.
    6. And fast for the national day of fasting.
    7. The NDoF accepts donuts in lieu of donations.

    Disclaimer: Not Datclaimer

  3. The churches in our town make a huge deal of the NDoP. I’ve received a ton of mailings, phone messages and emails in the past month.

    I pretty much ignore it…

  4. Adam Gonnerman

    Dude. You can’t touch Mother’s Day. Father’s Day is easily forgotten, or else a great opportunity to berate Dads for being so lousy, but you gotta love on the Moms.

  5. Adam Gonnerman

    Turducken is the only way to really commemorate America’s God-given prosperity.

  6. there’s a song out now , that would go with this post

    It’s call “I pray for you” don’t know the person that sings it , in the song , the guy is praying that bad things will go wrong for the person his praying for! 😕

  7. found the song , if ya want to hear it , go to “youtube”
    under “I pray for you” by Jaron and The long road to Love”

  8. b

    thanks, Kat, I dont’ understand how you can live in that country without any freedoms. 😉

    cool, laura, happy day, you were born on Star Wars Day!
    tell your hubby I dreamed about him last night

  9. b

    here is my comment, I posted right after tim but it’s gone:

    lol at all of tim’s stuff.

    thanks laymond and wendy,
    wendy, my creativity ebbs and flows, if I tried to often, the quality would drop dramatically lower than it already is

    rex, doesn’t surprise. I doubt it’s political for many, but for some it is more political than spiritual

    Turducken is a great idea, but keep them coming

  10. Jeanne M.

    ROFLOL. Too funny. National Day of Prayer is like Easter Sunday or Christmas. Only happens once a year. Now let’s hear it for “Pray Every Day” instead!!

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