Are you a Conservative or a Liberal?

Some days I feel like my IQ has been diminished by certain emails.  I am responding to this not as a “liberal”, although my views don’t line up well with the Republican party either, but as a defender of reason and promoter of sarcasm.  My comments are in RED.  Enjoy.

If you ever wondered what side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!  (if only it were so simple)

If a conservative doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t buy one.

If a liberal doesn’t like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
(let’s just jump right in to stereotypes, extreme rationalizations, etc. Get used to it)

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat..

If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life. (in the bathroom stalls of major airports)

If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect. (conservatives, especially christians, NEVER demand legislation to support their agenda)

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation. (just hypothetical: conservatives are never down-and-out, they are all hard-working contributors to society, and always have jobs because it’s always easy to get and keep a job)

A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him. (all liberals are lazy bums, mark it down, the Bible says so)

If a conservative doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels. (WHA?! HUH?!? ROFLOL! laughing too hard to even comment)

Liberals demand that those they don’t like be shut down. (conservatives NEVER protest, boycott, demand anything, especially with regards to media and hollywood)

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church.(actually many of them attend anyway)

A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.

(Unless it’s a foreign religion, of course!) (ALL liberals are pro-muslim, just like the president)

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it. (getting a job is as easy as 1-2-3 and that’s what conservatives do for health care;  liberals are just too lazy to work)

A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a conservative reads this, he’ll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh. (I am more conservative than liberal, and ironicaly, I am enjoying a great laugh, as well, just not the intended one)

A liberal will delete it because he’s “offended”. (ALL liberals are touchy and easily offended.  conservatives are stoically calm)

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6 thoughts on “Are you a Conservative or a Liberal?

  1. Adam Gonnerman

    Two comments:

    I’m a pseudo-neo-paleolibertarian. 😉

    You and I need to hang out more.

  2. jeff

    I’ve known enough conservative women to know that “stoically calm” is not an apt description.

  3. It is funny but very close to reality!

    Those America loving, Constitution abiding, liberals if left in power will soon take away one of our most cherished rights, freedom of the press. There is already movements afoot to begin chipping away at that right beginning with political bloggers and online news outlets like the Drudgereport.com.

    Desent to a liberal is only valid and usefull if it is another liberal who is desenting. Desent by a conservative is automatically “hate speech” or evidence of “racism”.

    There is blame to go around on both sides of the isle, Dems and Repubs have their share of scum bags and idiots. That being said, I can’t tolerate people who claim the moral high ground on every issue while supporting the national political party whose platform ensures the death of tens of thousands of unborn children every year. Since when is the dignity of a woman or her right to choose more precious than life? How about her dignity when she was in the process of getting pregnant? How about choosing to keep your underpants on when in the presense the opposite sex until you are married?

    I can see the blood viens swelling now! Liberals are thinking “Don’t tamper with the holy grail of abortion on demand”!

  4. I enjoyed your comments. I am often amazed at how people keep emails like this one going around as if there is some sort of absolute about what a conservative is and what a liberal is.

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