Levels of Lostness*

*Uncovered behind the tract-rack in a small Texas Church of Christ was this official Church of Christ(c) chart distinguishing various levels of being lost depending on one’s acts and beliefs.  The author’s name was missing but this tiny church has a storied history among Restoration Movement giants.  It seems that 100 is actually the worst, and 0.0 would be someone perfectly saved.

0.5          Dead Church of Christ members who attended every service, never used instruments, rejected Pre-Mill, never divorced, and condemned the sects regularly.

5.0          Living Church of Christ members who never used instruments, reject Pre-Mill, never divorced, and condemn the sects regularly. (of course, we ain’t sure if they are saved or not, but pretty likely)

10.0          Living Church of Christ members who used to be a part of a sect but converted after rejecting their denomination.

15.0         Living Church of Christ members who used to believe in Pre-Mill and don’t attend Mid-week Bible Study.

18.5      Church of Christ members who only attend Sunday morning.

20.0      Church of Christ members who use the American Standard of 1901 instead of the KJV.

25.0      Church of Christ members who have been divorced.

30.0      Catholics

35.0      Church of Christ members who attended Harding or DLU.

40.0      Penny-costals and any Church of Christ member who ever moved during a hymn or cried during a sermon.

50.0      Hindus and Buddhists

65.0      Church of Christ members who attended Pepperdine or ACU.

70.0     Community Church Members.

80.0      Child Molesters, Muslims, Hitler, Osama Bin Laden, clappers.

85.3       Church of Christ members whose church changed the Biblical name to a non-scriptural name.

87.4      Rick Warren, Presbyterians, Churches that employ small groups.

90.0      Rubel Shelley, Murderers, Church of Christ members who think Instrumental Music is okay.

92.5       Church of Christ members who listen to Joel Osteen Sunday morning while getting ready.

95.0       Democrats and people who have never heard the gospel.

100.0    Max Lucado, Baptists, churches who use praise teams, NIV users

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5 thoughts on “Levels of Lostness*

  1. brian

    i can’t believe methodists were left off this list, what an oversight! the author’s mom was prob methodist
    but is there really any difference between methodists and presbyterians?
    (we need a punchline)

    I like the joke about Anglicans that they have “all of the pageantry but none of the guilt” of catholicism

  2. brian

    thanks danielle, can’t wait to catch up, in one week!

    (sorry, I didn’t realize your comment hadn’t cleared)

  3. jeff

    Churches with small groups are indeed worse than Hitler. Glad someone had the guts to point this out.

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