Thank you, God, for Guns!

“Our Father in Heaven,

Of all the God-given rights we enjoy as Americans, one of my favorites may just be GUNS!!  Thankyouthankyouthankyou.

Father, I like to have scripture engraved on all of mine to honor You.  My favorite is “Thou shalt not steal” from Exodus 20:15.  I want to be able to read it to the loser who tries to steal my wallet or my car (which are also God-given blessings, thanks) right before I pop a cap in his ugly face.

Help me, O God, to defend my blessings and family, which I am also grateful for.  While you and Jesus take care and protect me spiritually, I will be sure to take care of my family with my guns.  Really, it frees you up to do other things, like get the bad guys in other countries and bless the NRA.

I promise to only use my guns when necessary, when someone REALLY makes me angry or endangers my life, my family or my possessions.  Lord, I only get angry about a few things like immigrants taking American jobs, the government taking Americans’ guns, people who don’t love guns….you know….people who don’t love America.  I am sure you understand.

As your good book says, “better them than me” and “the way of the Cross is self-defense.”

I thank you for the freedom you gave Americans.  And I know you never want that freedom to be taken away.

So, again, Father, I thank you for my guns.  I thank you for allowing me to stash over 4,000 rounds inside of my walls and in the shelter for when that time comes. I thank you for the beautiful diversity of automatic and semi-automatic weapons you have blessed mankind to create.

I thank you for the great forefathers such as Brothers Gatling, Smith, Wesson, Colt, and Browning.  May they rest in peace.

Lord, Jesus, Praise Your Name and thank you for guns!”